Poop Handcuffs

It's 9am has your kid pooped yet?  It's getting to be late morning and still no poop!  This day is not going as smoothly as it should and it's only 9am!  We need to leave the house in thirty minutes!  Is there going to be poop in thirty minutes or not?  I need to plan for these things!  If the poop comes now then I can safely guarantee there will be no poop in the car while driving.  Driving with a poopy kid in the car is not going to be fun.  If he poops now, I can safely guarantee I do not need to carry more than 2 diapers in my purse that now poses as a diaper bag bag because I refuse to carry around said diaper bag anymore.  If he poops now I can get away without carrying wipes in said purse/diaper bag and just leave them in the car for emergencies.  If he poops now I definitely do not need to worry about extra clothes incase of an accident.  If he poops now I can not worry about having to change a dirty diaper on the floor of a nasty bathroom because companies still refuse to have changing tables.  If he poops now I won't need to worry about the nasty floor or changing table getting leftover pee/poop on my kid and the changing table pad that goes in my nasty purse/bag.  If he poops now we can skip the whole drama of potty training in public because I'm just not there yet and don't want to wrangle that horse to the ground just yet. If he poops now, my sanity will go up 100 points! 

That's a lot of annoying things to think about just because my kid hasn't taken a poop before 9am!  I'm pretty sure I'm going mentally insane waiting for this poop to come out.  Am I going to be late for whatever  for the rest of my life because Mr. Poopy Pants isn't as regular as my schedule?  He obviously doesn't care. And he obviously doesn't realize we need to leave the house now.

Hmm, so my day has been thoroughly taken a turn for the more high drama just because we had to leave the house without filling the diaper or toilet for that matter with poop!  So, what will it be today... 

Poop in the car?, poop up the back?, diaper change in nasty bathroom?, screaming kid because fan in bathroom is too loud and bathroom has scary monsters in it?, the forbidden porta-potty?, the giganto diaper bag disguised as a purse?

CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK... Oh, and CHECK

Car seat straps tight.... CHECK

"Mommy, I'm poopy."  ...  Game on!  I think this kid got me.  CHECKMATE!