My daughter is learning about The Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf in preschool right now. It seems only fitting for what I'm trying to re-learn myself at the same time.
(I know I learned this before, but I somehow forgot because I didn't know what it looked like. Pictures always help me learn.)
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Once upon a time, a house was built.....
When you build a strong house, you start with a good foundation. It looks something like this. (Notice I said strong).
Next you build some walls.
Then you add a roof.
Once that is all complete, then you can start adding insulation, electricity, windows and doors. Our house starts to look like this.
Last but not least, we put on the exterior. The outward coating. The stuff to keep the bad guys out. The siding.
Notice in this picture there are people. People can help you put as much siding on your house to make it more protected. You can ask others to help you put as much siding as you like. Others also offer it up for free! (Which of course is the best and most ideal).
The more sturdy the siding the better the protection.
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You also put a door on your house. This is so not only so you can come-and-go (to get things for your house) but so other people can, too. You can come-and-go as you please, but others need to knock to come inside (notice I said knock). You can either invite them in, or they can knock.
They can not barge into your house, like the big bad wolf tries to, since you put up walls and siding. But the door IS necessary for movement.
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People can help you make your house stronger. (Not strong to begin with, but stronger.)
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Lastly we put in our comforts. We spruce up the yard and the inside.
We add flowers, grass and trees to the yard. We make the inside cozy by adding plaster, paint and carpet. (These things aren't necessary for our house to be a house. But they make a house a home).
Our house ends up looking like the house you are living in right now.
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Take a look at this next picture of a skeleton. What does it remind you from the previous pictures?
Does it look like the house with the 2X4's for walls?
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What does this next picture remind you of?
Does it look like the house with a roof starting to form?
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Next we have electricity, insulation, and coziness. Does your skin remind you of siding? Does family, friends, job, money, start to remind you of siding? Were you born with these things? No. It has nothing to do with your skeleton and foundation of you. You may have been born with a family, but it doesn't do anything for you until it gives you nurturing and protection. (No nurturing, no protection, means no siding). What happens if all your skin was burned off? Would you still be there? Yep, but your protection would be gone. Skin starts to look like siding.
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Do your muscles and nerve endings remind you of insulation and electricity?
Does your blood remind you of running water in your house? Gasoline to heat your home and cook your food?
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So you get the analogy, right?
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Think about this... There are millions of people around the world that do not live in a house or one that looks like the American Dream.
Lots of them look like this.
Was this house built on foundation? Doesn't look like it to me.
Is this house protected from the Big Bad Wolf as much as the first one? Doesn't look like it to me.
Maybe this house will stand up to the elements, but I'm guessing it might not stand up to all of them. Maybe it needs a foundation? Maybe it needs better siding? Maybe it needs both.
Some people don't even have this. Their house may look like this.
This house is DEFINITELY not protected from the elements and it's definitely not going to stand up to the Big Bad Wolf. But, we can say it's a house. There definitely is zero foundation, though.
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So how do we get foundation, when we weren't born with it, so we ensure our house is stronger? How to we ensure it's better protected from the Big Bad Wolf, but with a door?
We started looking like this, remember...
Are you thinking as a parent you need to give your kids a foundation? I'm starting to think that is incorrect. I'm starting to think they already are born with a foundation. They just don't know what it looks like and my job is to make them "see it". Foundation is not potential or the people and things you surround yourself with. That's siding. Foundation is more like, "I'm OK because I am me." It's not "I'm OK because I have this or so-and-so."
Do you know what your foundation looks like without siding? Can you describe it in detail? Would you be able to tell your kids what your foundation looks like without siding?
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We saw in the previous pictures that houses without foundation AND siding looked like they wouldn't stand up to the elements as much. Although, it's the only way to go sometimes, and sometimes it's all we have. But, it's better in the long run to have foundation to go along with the siding. And it's better to start building that foundation first. You can't build a foundation after you've already built your house, right? You can't dig under something that's already built to start building a foundation. You'd have to wait for it to blow down and then start over and build it. But, who really wants to do that?
And you can't "see" your foundation if you've built your house up without looking at it first. So, I better teach my kids what their foundation looks like before I throw a bunch of siding and cozy factor on top of it. And it becomes harder to see the more siding, the more flowers, trees, paint and plaster I surround with it. (Cozy Factor)
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So, I better slow down with the house building when it comes to my kids or else they may look back and not know what their foundation looks like. It may be built up too much with siding and coziness.
So, I ask myself these questions:
- Am I teaching my kids to lean on their own foundation, while letting others support their siding?
- Am I teaching them to lean on a foundation that they think is only in me and their dad? Would they be OK without us someday?
- Am I teaching them to just build up their siding to make their house look stronger and more like a home, without being stable from the Big Bad Wolf?
- Am I teaching them they don't always need others to put up their siding because they already have a foundation and walls and they don't necessarily need siding? It just makes them stronger, but they are already strong without it. Like we saw before, some houses don't even have walls, they are tents, but they are still houses.
- Am I teaching them they don't need anyone and can rely on themselves only?
- Am I teaching them to rely on others siding too much?
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- Maybe I should figure this out before I turn around and I have already completed this task of raising them.
- Maybe I should teach them they are strong already before they get blown off their foundation (because we all know it's sure to happen).
- Maybe I should ensure they know what their foundation looks like to them (since they can't see it or touch it).
I'm sure they are going to get blown off their foundation. There are mud slides, earthquakes, wind storms and lightning strikes all that will happen to their house. The Big Bad Wolf can come blow it over at any time (if it's not strong). But that is why the foundation is build underground. It's more stable there. Am I helping them ensure they know they already have foundation in themselves without siding?
To help them know they already have a foundation that can support their walls? A foundation that can support them when the Big Bad Wolf does come blow their house down? A foundation that they can look back on and say yep, I know how to build my walls back up, put my siding back up, put in some comforts like insulation, ensure their electricity isn't short circuiting and hopefully run some water and have clean pipes. Have people help them do it, but still feel stable while it's being built? A foundation that they can look back on and know they don't need others to "build them up" because the foundation (them) is still there.
Remember that siding picture. There are people in it. I'm pretty sure what I'm doing as a parent is helping my kids with their siding and cozy factor. I'm not doing anything to build their foundation. Their foundation is already there. It's themselves. But, I can ensure they know they have a foundation in themselves if the Big Bad Wolf comes blow their house down. They are still OK without siding.
They are already born. The skeleton and body were born without a foundation (at least one we can see and touch, but it's there somehow). I was born to my parents with a skeleton, siding, ect. After that, they worked on feeding me, ensuring I was well educated, could communicate with others, was a good person, could work, make money, could be self sufficient. All the siding parts of the house. They also threw in a bunch of cozy factor. (The yard, the paint, the plaster, carpet, ect.) The hugs, the kisses, the I love you's, ect. Cozy factor is awesome and it looks really pretty. Houses with them are much better than not, but a house is still a house without cozy factor, too.
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So, if I take all that away, I'm left with what?
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For every person it is different. But it is their foundation. They are built off of it. It makes them be OK with being built. It makes them OK without siding. It makes them OK with just being them. It has nothing to do with having siding or cozy factor.
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Tonight I put my daughter to bed and I spent a good chunk of it ensuring she was properly equiped. We fixed her blankets (cozy), put her in jambes (cozy), we put the stuffed animals on (her village / siding). We read a book, she read it back (education/siding), we brushed her teeth and she went to the bathroom (pipes / no rotting equipment in her house) and we gave out multiple hugs and kisses and "I love you's." (cozy factor, but not necessary for her house to to be called a house).
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This is a house.
So is this.
I can make my house look like this and it would definetely be a better house.
But, it's still the same house we started with.
I can make my kids be the best that they can be and love them with all my hearts content. But, unless they know how to support their "house" on it's own foundation without siding my efforts are futile.
Their house may end up looking like this, despite my best efforts.
Tonight after we went through the bedtime routine my daughter said, "I think I'll sleep on the floor." (Similar to camping I suppose.)
I thought, "What?" After I just made your bed all cozy and put all your stuffed animals up here and made it the "best place ever to sleep!"
So in other words, she doesn't need my siding or coziness for her to "live in her house". She was born with her house, and her house is hers alone. She's still OK "camping" as she is if she's living in the most well equipped cozy house on Earth. I want to ensure she stays that "pure" and her mind stays thinking that is OK. That she's still OK if her siding is gone.
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It's definitely more beneficial for her to have what we and everyone provides for her, but she's the only one that can support her skeleton by herself. Am I teaching her that?
I'm sure she'll hear that a million times over growing up. But does she know what that means? Does she know what that looks like? Can she describe it without adding siding? Can she draw a picture of it? Is it just a picture of her being OK with being her. Yep, I think it is. Maybe we will draw that tomorrow.
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Maybe I should figure this out, and teach her that, before she "loses her house" and realizes she's still there, but all the stuff, coziness, people, siding, isn't. That she's OK without it? She's just camping. Maybe I'll have her draw a picture of herself camping. We'll put it in a big frame and if she ever thinks she's losing her "house" she can remember she's just camping. She's still the same person she was when she had all the people, stuff and good vibes that came with that. So, she's not getting all her good vibes from siding. She's getting them from herself. Maybe I should teach her that, before she has to figure it out when the Big Bad Wolf comes and blows her house down.
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