Stay-at-home moms Vs. working moms

This past month I decided I needed a "Mommy Vacation".  Meaning, I've been staying home now for 4 1/2 years and I'm ready for a little vacation.  When a stay-at-home mom needs a vacation it's pretty much impossible for her to travel to the tropics alone for a refreshing pina collada for a few months.  A family vacation only seems to make the stress worse.  That's not a vacation.  That's taking you and your "house" out of it's fine-oiled-machine of a home and putting it in a place of chaos and expecting the mom to come back refreshed.  I think I'm more tired than ever coming back from a family vacation then I am just staying at home, not having taken the vacation in the first place.

  I'm pretty sure a week in the tropics (even alone), drinking as many margaritas as possible, wouldn't refresh me enough to deal with the kids screaming, crying, fighting and the constant whining that rings through my ears 24/7.  And who wants to go on vacation alone?  I don't.  That is not only boring for me, but depressing as heck.  I still want to see my family, I just don't want to look at them 24/7.  Of course the hugs, kisses and "perfect times" of the day are all great with cherries on top, but I need a vacation regardless.  

So, what's a stay-at-home mom to do when they need a vacation?  The solution for me is to take a "working break".  

But wait, the minute I say I'm going to take a "working break" from being stay-at-home mom, I never guessed how many opinions I would get about my decision.  I've gotten more comments from the world of stay-at-home moms on how I'm making a mistake.  I've even gotten comments from the working-moms, too.   That I'm crazy and that I really don't what to do what I'm deciding to do.  

Having been on both sides of the coin, of working mom and stay-at-home mom, nothing gets my blood boiling more than the opinions of how these two groups speak to each other.  And it can get down right cruel.  More opinions get thrown out than dirty diapers!  

I've gotten a lot tougher in dealing with these comments, but they still hurt.  The sad thing about comments towards any of these two groups of women, is that sometimes the women don't even know they hurting the other group.  Or maybe they just don't care.  They are throwing out opinions based on their own personal experiences, instead of giving support to let the woman feel empowered in her own situation.  

Since deciding to take my working vacation I've gotten some of the following:

• "You don't want to do that because your kids still need you." Since when is working mean that you are abandoning your kids and you aren't going to be there for them?  This statement kills me every time.  Have you ever said this to anyone?  Think about what you are saying.  I'm pretty sure my kids are going to need me until the day I die.  Am I suppose to be at their side constantly until the age of what?  Tell me at what age then it's OK for women to do something that is considered not being by their kids side 24/7?  Can you think of it? I can't.  I'm 35 and I still need my parents for emotional support.

• "You don't want to work because your kids will be raised by strangers."  Hmmm, I'm not sure the last time I dropped my kid off to a stranger on the side of the road.  I'm pretty sure as parents we go overboard in researching, interviewing and putting trust into our daycare providers.  When my daughter was born she was in daycare for a full year.  I was like a secret service agent, ensuring there was no rock left unturned into who was watching my kid.  There is no way I would have left her at a place or with a person I didn't trust.  These ladies ended up being like a small family to me and my daughter.  It was very enjoyable and I was sad when we left.

• "You don't want to work because it's not all it's cracked up to be."  This coming from a mom who chooses to work, but doesn't need to.  Why is someone who chooses to work telling me this?  That one still confuses me.  Plus, I know plenty of women who work because they LOVE it.  They love their jobs.  They love what it brings them.  What is wrong with that?  I can understand this statement if a woman needs to work and doesn't want to, but that's a different blog.  Maybe one of you want to write that one.

• "Only you can love your kids.  No one else who takes care of them will love them like you do.  So you should stay home."  This one is one of my favorites.  Has anyone ever said this to a man?  NO!  Does a man ever get the guilt trip of going to work?  NO.  And of course parents love their kids more than the people caring for them while they are gone.  I should hope that they do.  If they don't then maybe they shouldn't be parents.  Does that mean they need to never put them in hands of people who would care for them, but not love them?  No.  I'm thoroughly convinced my son is more of a mama's boy because I have never left his side.  My daughter who was in daycare for the first year of her life (which of course she doesn't remember and my family doesn't either), seems way more independent and well rounded than my son does.  I'm thinking my son could stand not to be clinging onto me 24 hours a day.  He won't even let anyone else brush his teeth, read him a story or put his shoes on.  I'm thinking it will be beneficial to him to learn that other people want to help him and care for him besides just Mommy.  

This is just a taste of what I've been hearing over the past month of so.  I've resigned to wonder, why can't women just be more supportive of one another no matter which one of these two groups they belong to.  Being from both, I know where both of them are coming from.  But, I also know that the opinions of each group do not help the others and ultimately doesn't help the person dosing them out.  If there is one thing I know, it's that women internally struggle with themselves and how they raise children more than anyone could possibly know.  Opinions from others on how they should do it only throws fuel on the fire they are already beating themselves up about internally.  

Let's all try to throw out a dose of compassion and understanding and say "Hey, that sounds great,  (whatever decision they are making, to work or not work) and I'm glad you are finding something that will make YOU happy.

Because we all know, A HAPPY MOM. MAKES FOR HAPPY KIDS.  No matter if they are at work or at home.  

Please be kind to one another and think about what your opinion could do to another mom.  We are all on the same team.